who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
