I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
