This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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