my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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