Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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