Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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