..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
