sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
