My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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