I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
