my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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