I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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