May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
