4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Welp...herpes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
