Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is wine microwaveable?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
