i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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