So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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