Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
