I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
