There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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