Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
