I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
