She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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