She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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