never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize