My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm at about main and main street
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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