On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
