dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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