Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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