What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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