We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
not ubering you a puppy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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