I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
