Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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