Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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