I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
