My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
