turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How naked do you want me to be?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
