ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
