Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
