my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
