your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize