I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
