The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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