what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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