It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
