Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
