you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
