his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
