i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
