i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
