he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
