I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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