Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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