so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's shark week go big or go home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
