i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
