His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
