either way he was missing a nipple.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
