She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
