just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
