You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize