They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's the barista slut.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
