you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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