i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize