yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
