Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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