About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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