WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
