whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
